Apologize at Length
by cateliot
Summary: She always had his back, it was a fact he'd never forgot. So when he began planning for the Helicarrier, Phil wasn't sure why he didn't tell her. May/Coulson. One-shot. Complete.


_**Author's Note:**_ Original Marvel Characters and locations belong to Marvel Entertainments and Affiliates. I'm a disappointed with the direction season 3 is going. I feel like they left so much open from season 2; May and Phil, May and Skye and their argument, May and Andrew and then we've seen nothing from Melinda at all. My heart is broken every Tuesday night haha, so I've had to do some writing to make myself feel better. Reviews and feedback are appreciated. Let me know what you think.

 _ **Summary**_ : She always had his back, it was a fact he'd never forgot. So when he began planning for the Helicarrier, Phil wasn't sure why he didn't tell her. May/Coulson. One-shot. Complete.

::

" _ **I loved her not for the way she danced with my angels, but for the way she silenced my demons" (Christopher Poindexter).**_

::

"Don't speak. Nothing you have to say holds any weight to me. Your actions in running S.H.I.E.L.D. for the next few months will be the ultimate show if my choice was the wrong one."

Coulson swallowed as Agent Blake dropped his handshake.

The Council's vote had been tied: Gonzales and Weaver wanted him gone as Director, gone permanently from S.H.I.E.L.D. and any relations with the agency, May and Bobbi wanted him to stay on as head. The deciding vote had been left at the hands of Agent Blake.

"Then why did yo—"

The man's eyes shifted to something, someone, out of Coulson's eye line. "When Melinda May says she trusts someone, I have to think it's well earned. Her reputation, even before the debacle in the desert, speaks for itself."

As Blake moved away from him, his team pounced on the newly reinstated Director.

Happy congratulations shone on their faces. Skye's voice was the loudest, rising above the groups as he hugged him tightly. It was the happiest he had seen her in months.

"They were talking so crap about exile for a while, but May managed to stamp that out pretty fast." Bobbi's hand slid off his shoulders as the others continued to celebrate. There was talk of champagne and going off the base and the conversations around him dulled to a roar in his ears.

Coulson's eyes flooded to the corners of the room, searching for the one person not present in the group. The only person he wanted to see at the moment.

But she wasn't there.

::

The raid on the Playground had left his office destroyed. Files, papers, glass, and wood splinters littered the ground. His desk had big chunks out of the side, how he didn't want to know.

In the middle of the devastation sat Melinda, her back against the side of the desk. She had her legs crossed and her hand curled around. He never could understand how she look so at ease in an environment filled with chaos. In the midst of a fire fight. In a combat zone. In the noise and pandemonium of the world they lived him.

Coulson eased onto the ground, his shoulder barely brushing May's as he leaned back on the desk, staring at the hallways through the window in his office.

For a moment the only sound was their breathing, May's quieter than his own. There was a soft _clink_ as the bourbon hit the cup and he knocked back a large sip, feeling the burn at the back of his throat. There was a comfortable silence between them.

He was surprised when she spoke first.

"I managed to sneak Lola out the back before Gonzales could cut her up looking for the cube. Maria stashed her in one of Stark's properties."

He turned his head to him her large brown eyes watching him intently.

"You let _Hill_ drive Lola?" He purposely let outrage slip into his voice, teasing her.

"Some of us were a little preoccupied with the siege going on."

He smiled gently.

His head hit the back of the desk and felt the exhaustion of the last few months weigh down on his shoulders.

"Andrew, Phil? You went to Andrew?"

He could hear the devastation in her voice and the guilt that had originally welled up inside when he went to Culver University whirled up inside him again. When he had seen the doctor's face on the campus, he knew what he was about to do was a mistake.

Andrew was off limits. And he knew that.

So he began the speech he had prepared days either. "There was no one else, May, no one else that could have been read in—"

She scoffed quietly and he could feel the agitation rolling off her shoulders.

"You trusted Koenig. _Koenig_. You trusted him over me?" Images of their late night stakeouts and evening in their shared apartment flashed rapidly through his mind. A bleeding, bruised Melinda. The look in her eyes after he jerked the little girl out of her arms in Bahrain. The time they spent in silence when the only thing he wanted in the word was to hear his partner say something, anything.

"I wanted to protect you, just in case something goes wrong, if everything fell apart—"

"No, you wanted to keep out of the decision because you knew what I would say about it," her voice was hard, "if you had wanted to tell me, you would have. Because you used trust me. Because we were partners."

He rolled his eyes and shot back the rest of his drink.

"You left me, Melinda."

Confusion flooded her face and he forced himself to watch the painful realization of just what he meant. The only indication of the impact his words had on her was a slight shift in her breathing.

"And then you died."

He felt his stomach drop painfully but before he could respond, the door to the office open, startling the two and Skye appeared with a large, exaggerated smile.

"Uh, the group planned a little party in the kitchen and I—oh, uh whoops, sorry…I didn't mean to interrupt or something..." Skye's gaze narrowed on them sitting there with half a bottle of Bourbon left.

May was already on her feet by the time Skye had finished stammering.

"It's fine, we're finished."

He smelled the scent of jasmine that followed her sweep by him as May walked swiftly past Skye and down the hall. The hacker turned to watch her with a slightly downcast look, the curiously that she always associated with May buzzing in her blue irises.

"Aww, I hate it when you two fight."

The weight on his chest seemed heavier than a wall of bricks as he watched her shadow disappear down the hall.

"Yeah, me too."


End file.
